Ya know...

I don't journal nearly enough... no wonder I barely get comments! lol People never know when I'm gonna update! I suck. heh.

Anyhow - UGH i did something really embarrassing Tues night... and now I have a mondo dent in my poor little car. I should take a pic and post it.

Don't even ask- I'm SOOOOOO embarrassed. I've never done anything so STUPID in my life. I don't know wtf it is with being pregnant but it's like my brain is swiss cheese. Someone told me it's the brain 'rewiring' itself - getting ready to handle the hectic life of being a mom. I'm not convinced. I feel like I've dropped about 30 IQ points. :P I probably just need more sleep, and to stop rushing. I can't push my body like I used to. Not right now anyhow. I need more than 8 hours a night of sleep (what?!) and naps too. Anyhow - no one was hurt with my stupidity, just the car and my EGO. lol. 563.00 bucks later and it will be fixed. Honestly though - this was SO unlike me that I was worried - I didn't FEEL tired when it happened, and I checked my blood sugar, it wasn't low. So there is no physical explanation of how I let it happen. I'm more worried that I was muchmore tired than I realized and I just didn't realize it - which means I have to be reallllly careful from here on out. (Well I already thought I was being careful?).

*sigh*

ANYHOW. Life goes on. Mom sent me some packages - can't wait to get them. Our next door neighbors gave us a few baby gifts. I swear they are THE BEST neighbors I have ever had in my life. They are the sweetest and most wonderful people I have ever met in my life. I'm going to make up a thank-you card and send some more homemade jam over to them when I get back 'home' This weekend.

My blood sugars are stabilizing (thank god) I have an appt with a 'primo' high risk OB on Friday. Apparently he's got gobs of experience in dealing with women with gestational diabetes. The nurse said there was a very good chance that he would an u/s to 'measure' the bean and date the pregnancy. Hubby is coming for that appt, so I do hope they do an u/s like she said - cause it's tough for him to get to the appts where as they're 3 hours away from home, and he's been away on work a lot.

What else? Nothing I guess.... the nausea is starting to get worse. I just about had to pull over and puke during my drive to work weds morning. UGH. City traffic too - no place to stop. I just kept deep breathing and talking myself through it. It took me an hour to eat a labrada meal bar. Normally I can wolf down those suckers pretty quick.

I wasn't expecting to be here 'at the office' for most of this week so I only packed enough clothes for 3 days (only 1 extra set). so I ended up going out and buying some jeans at wally world. 18W stretch - fit really nice, they're starting to get a bit loose now later in the day. Comfy though.

Anyhow - I'm rambling... maybe more later ;)

Ciao!

Stats

(x post from my bodyblog page)
Stats for past few months, there has been a slow shrinking on most parts, just my boobs and my neck are bigger this month, which frankly my lymph nodes are still swollen, and yah - my boobs I would expect to start getting bigger, even this early on (since it's a PMS symptom for me too). I have to say though that I've noticed in the last week to 2 weeks the pudge under my chin seems puffier? Maybe it's just swelling but it could be the fat 'redistributing' too. Othe than that I'm happy with the drop I've managed in the last few months, all things considered. I wish it had been more, but it wasn't, and given how colorful my progress calendar has been - I'll not complain too much about only losing an inch here and there!!! Also I took some skinfolds last month for Nicole - they went down some also. I have no idea how accurate they are because 1) I'm taking them myself 2) I'm probably still too fat to get an accurate reading and 3) they're cheapie callipers. Anyhow, Here is the stats table:

Date:	3/18	4/19	5/17	1 mo Change
Weight	232.5	230	228	2 lbs
Neck	15"	15.25"	15.5"	+.5"
R Upper Arm	15.75"	16.5"	16"	-.5"
R Mid Arm	17"	16"	14.5"	- 1.5"
R Low Arm	11.5"	11.75"	11.5"	-.25"
R Wrist	6.5"	6.5"	6.5"	-
Bust	44"	44"	44.25"	+.25"
UnderBust/Ribcage	37"	37"	36"	-1"
Waist	35.75"	36"	35"	-1"
Hips	47.5"	47"	46.5"	-.5"
Thigh (top)	28.5"	29"	28.25"	-.75
Knee (just above knee)	21"	21"	20"	-1"
Calf	19"	18"	17.75"	-.25"
Ankle	9.25"	9.25"	9.125"	-.125"
Total " lost last month				5.125

Getting some exercising in

yay! *pat on back*
Mostly just some extra jiving around the house to music - but it all helps. The more I move this pudgey butt the less likely it is to get MONDO pudgey.

blood sugars are still a bit up. I had a blood draw done this morning. Do you *know* how hard it is to get up at 3:30 in the morning and get dressed (and sitll get out the door at 4:30 fully clothed with matching socks?). :P 3 hour drive with nothing but black coffee was no minor feat either, especially in the pouring down rain. Mind you the few hydroplaning incidents woke me up PRONTO. So it's all good.

I meet with my endocrinologist today to go over the blood #'s from this morning, as well as schedule an appt with the diabetic education nurse so she can teach me how to 'shoot up' (insulin).

I've got a list of docs printed out in OB. I'll get my endo to refer me to one. Even though it's 3 hours away from home, we're moving soon. And 3 hours from home but 5 minutes from the office seems slightly easier than driving in the opposite direction from home - 1 hour away. Yes folks. Those are my choices. Either I see a regular practioner for a few months in the town where we are currently stranded, uh I mean living.... or I get an OB 1 hour in one direction (4 hours from work, and 5+ hours frm where we're moving), or I get one 3 hours from home but 10 mins from work.

I choose the later. AT least if I have to I can work in the office - pop over to the clinic for any appointments, and pop back at work, staying at a hotel overnight if I need to. If I go to the clinic that is closer than I pretty much ahve to take a half day off of work every time I have an appointment, because it's 1 and bit hour there, then the appt, then 1 hour and a bit back.

Or I could risk seeing a regular practitioner in bodunk asscrack of civilization. Now I'm not prejudiced against small town docs, but so far I haven't been overly impressed with the quality of care in the place that we're living (which is why I continued to see my doctors 3 hours away rather than switching to someone closer when I moved in with hubby). Given that I'm already going into 'high risk' - I think i'd rather just stick with an OB - and run to urgent care in 'bodunk' when/if I ever have to.

Wow I never really thought I'd have to be making these decisions... I guess I never really got further than thinking about the whole "GET pregnant" part - not what I had to do once I actually GOT pregnant. Dealt with what I could at the time I guess ;) *laugh*

Anyhow - gotta run to my appt now. I'll be doing yoga in the hotel room tonight since it's still raining cats and dogs.

OH! And I've come down with a lovely cold *cough* *sniffle*. yay!

Goals Changing

- obviously. Focus is no longer on weightloss but a controlled gain. Major focus on eating healthy and exercise to help control gestational diabetes ( which has started already ).


I was totally shocked at how quickly my blood sugars deteriorated. I mean I've had excellent control for 2.5 years, 1 year of that with diet and exercise alone. My endocrinologist had prepared me for the possibility that I would get gestational diabetes when/if I got pregnant. From all the reading I've done though I had expected it to happen much later on (like maybe 5th or 6th month, or later??). Not WEEK 5! So - I have an appt with my endo this week. She's doing another a1c and tests - baselevel stuff see where I'm at now.

My fasting this morning was better than it has been in the last week, 116. Not stellar but not horrific either. I'm still a bit freaked by the idea that it's happening so soon. I never imagined I'd have to start insulin from the get go. Just goes to show you how amazingly powerful hormones are.

We scoff at PMS and make jokes about it must be 'hormones' almost as if PMS and some of the things women experience are hyped up, their affects hyped up. I must admit - I had a twinge of that myself, even KNOWING how much hormones affected my health with PCOS when things were going 'wrong'. I still made PMS jokes, and 'hormonal' jokes. Women aren't the weaker sex folks, let me tell you, if men went through the same hormonal changes that women go through every month and with pregnancy? There wouldn't be any 'PMS' jokes. There would be "PMS weeks" at work. ;) Ok a little bit of my femminism coming out of me lol (must be the hormones? heheh I'm KIDDING!) Sorry couldn't resist the joke, you have to poke fun at yourself from time to time ;)

Anyhow - I'm getting along. Making even more of an effort to get exercise in any form that I can in. Same with food. I even bought a deck of 'prenatal yoga flash cards'. And "What to expect when you're expecting". And a book for hubby. Hopefully not wasted money.

We're trying to decide about buying a house. Right now I think it's too much stress. Between the green card stuff, and not knowing the area too well. If it weren't for me being pg we wouldn't even be thinking about buying yet. So we both think it's best just to wait till things are a bit more settled.

Anyhow... our little bean will have dual citizenship we hope - U.S. and Canadian :)

Making it Mine

For anyone out there who's reading and is looking for a wonderful and supportive group to help them with their weightloss journey. Or even if you're just looking to get fit, stay healthy - I belong to a wonderful group of gals over at
Making it Mine


We're not a large group but we like to have new members, so if you're looking for a group to join - why not come check us out? :) I won't be aiming for weightloss in the next 9 months but my focus will definitely still be on eating healthy and exercising to keep up a healthy pregnancy. :) Hope to see you there!

So here's how it went...

6:30 am.
I wake up to the alarm going off but I've been drifting in and out of wakefulness for hours now. "Well it's 6:30" I say to myself - might as well take my temp.

*muffled beeping*

"98.8 hmm. Wonder if I've been rolling around too much. I sure have been warm this month, maybe it's the extra blanket we put on when the weather turned cold this month. Crap man I really gotta pee - what is up with that? It's been like that for the last few days waking up with my bladder about to burst. Well.. I might as well get up and go pee."

*plod to the bathroom yawning*

*about to plant tooshie on the throne*

"oh crap! I almost forgot. I gotta test - new docs appt today - possble x-rays"
up and over to the under sink cabinet to retrieve the marked 'testing cup'
"wake up and AIM! J"
*yawn*
"CRAP I really gotta go!"
*hopping crosslegged back over to the throne*

...yadda yadda

*dipping test*... 1 one thousand 2 one thousand 3 one thousand...7 one thousand..OKay!

*sets test down on top it's foil wrapper* (I'm an old pro at this)

*blinking wearily into the mirror* "crap - go look at the time!"
...
"man can I stay awake for 10 mins?" "sheeze!"

*glance at test*

"SHIT! Is that a line?!?!?"

*stunned pause*

"No WAY!" - I better do another test.

ripppp ... dipp...

*look at clock again*
Okay - 10 mintues...

OMG - this one has a line too??

*frantic look around the bathroom* do I have any other tests? you know the "real" kind not these internet cheapie strips? YES! A box of equates!

I'm wide awake now.

*read instructions*
*dip*
5 mins this time...
2 mins go by ...

HOLY! I think tha'ts a line? could I be? NO way! NO WAY! OMG! maybe?!? After all this time....could I really be??

PREGNANT!?!

I try to calmly go into the bedroom..

"Hey honey!?"
Hubby grogily replies "yah?"

"I think I might be pregnant!?"

His whole body tenses in surprise he's instantly 100% more awake

WHAT?! He asks (as surprised as me - we both thought we missed ovulation this month with him being out of town on business)...

"But... but... when?How?" he stutters "I thought..."

"I know!" I interrupt. Then in a rush the words come tumbling out.... "Remember how I told you thought I ovulated right after you left, I was so sure of it, but then my charting software said it was 2 days afterthat, but then I got my 'usual' 9 dpo spotting and I counted back and it was cd 18 the day after you left - the day I was so sure I ovulated????"

"Yeahhhh" he says cautiously..
"Well - maybe I was right???" I say. "Could I really be pregnant?" "Could it really be true?"

A slow happy grin spreads across hubby's face ... "Pregnant." he says - digesting this new information.


PREGNANT!

I had a dream...

Saturday night.

I wasn't feeling well, Hubby took me to the doc to get tests done. Later in the dream he comes walking up to me with this huge ass grin on his face... I say to him "What?" he sayd "Guess what!?" - I say "What!?" - He says "You're pregnant!"

Wierd huh?

Maybe it's just sillyness because my chart has been looking good this month. Of course if I do end up pregnant - I'll say "Wow - isn't that neat how I subconsciously knew!" if I don't - *laugh* I'll just blame it on myself getting all hyped up about it lol.

I go tommorrow to see the new doc about my shoulder. I haven't had a chance to get the films, I'm hoping he takes new ones anyhow. I'll get copies of my records sent to him. I'm hoping he has some fresh ideas and is willing to help me look for answers and FIX this damn shoulder. A year and a half is enough time to live in pain.
Anyhow - because there is a chance he'll do films tommorrow - I'm taking a pregnancy test tommorrow.

I almost don't *want* to take one. There's something peacefully serene about just 'waiting' these days to see what happens. Taking a test and seeing only one line is such a final crush to the daydream. Hard to daydream and convince yourself "This time maybe?!" when it's right there in pink and white - "NO BABY". heh.

Anyhow - I ate like a maniac this weekend. Just under 3000 calories on the weekend. WTF? I know I'm probably PMS'n but still I usually have better control than that. Of course I was genuinely hungry, and we were outside camping for the weekend - maybe the hours of shivering next to the campfire burnt up some calories.

Regardless I weighed in at 230.5 this morning - considering I'm just days away from either my period showing up or porking up for 9 months - well it's not that bad. I've had 10 lb water gains with PMS before so 2.5 lbs is nothin. (esp how much I friggin ate on sunday!)

Anyhow - that's all for now folks. I've got some more work stuff to finish up and then I'm off to bed!