The Sjogren's Syndrome Experiment: Brain Fogginess
The Sjogren's Syndrome Experiment: Brain Fogginess: This photo really has nothing to do with today, I just thought it was a fun shot of my husband and my kid. Mood: Stable Energy: ...
I really identified with this post. By now in my life I"m used to losing anything "pretty" that was about me (thanks to PCOS)... I'm used to being fat, I'm used to having aches and pains... but what I'm not used to - is feeling unintelligent. I think the cognitive effects of sjogren's are the hardest for me to accept. I lost my pretty physical self a long time ago, and I accepted it, and realized that at some point we all must let go of vanity... youth departs from all of us at some point, it just was departing from me sooner than most others. I consoled myself by saying "At least I still have my intelligence". So much of my self identity is centered around my brain, my personality, my "inside" you know the part everyone says is the most important part... that it's more important to be beautiful on the inside.
It is. I know it is, but just as a side note - it's naive to believe that your outward appearance counts for NOTHING. My point is - I'd consoled myself and centered myself around my intelligence, my ability to communicate, my personality..... and now? Sjogren's is eroding it all away. I feel like I am losing everything. So now... not only am I fat... and growing hair in manly places, and losing so much of my beautiful hair that you can see my scalp no matter how I style it... now...? I'm becoming stupid too.
I can't remember things. I'm becoming unreliable. Witty words get lost between my brain and my mouth. I stutter. I mispronouce things when I'm reading aloud to my children. People are treating me different... and who can blame them?!? When you come off as some scattered brained dimwit who can't even remember the simplest things, stutters, and can't even get the right word out.... can I really blame them for looking at me that way? (though I wish they could hide the scorn from their face even if they are justified in their opinion of me).
I am losing MYSELF!
