Another Month - no baby

Period starting today. I'm somewhat okay with it. Of course I'm disappointed but you know I'm happy too. I was really worried this month that things had finally fallen apart. My CM was all wacked out - I had that long streak of ewcm. It seemed like I o'd on cd 18, I could have sworn I did, but then I had all that ewcm afterwards and more tenderness on the right hand side... like I was still full of eggs ready to pop.

Since I haven't been temping I just didn't know what the deal was. Looking at my spotting pattern it's actually not too crazy to think that I o'd twice. Once on cd 18, and then again cd 26. Except for the fact that it's pretty rare to ovulate twice in one cycle, especially that many days apart. So who really knows what happened. Maybe I never ovulated at all? That's a definite possibility. There was definitely LOT of stress this month (which for whatever reason is just occurring to me now - DUH). Today was cd 36. I'm going to take the override off my chart. Since I have no clue if I did ovulate and I don't want to mess up my stats.

This month I will start charting again.

I found out yesterday that 2 of my online friends are pregnant. I'm so happy for them. Yeah I feel the twinge of sadness for myself but I know these ttwo gals have been struggling for a long time... and I know the relief they feel at being pregnant... the joy. I wish them both the best and I really am overjoyed for both of them. One is a 'friend' back at opendiary.com - Nursegirl and the other is a gal from fertilityfriend.com - the girl I made a fertility pendant for. She's tickled pink of course that the first month she had her pendant was the month they finally got pregnant. It's probably a coincidence but I wonder about the power of the mind you know - not so much that there was power in the pendant, but that Connie believed there was, she believed in herself too.

So maybe I need to make one for myself - the one I've been meaning to make... or maybe what I really need to do is believe in myself and let go ;)