I think I'm going nuts.

Don't ask me why but 3 days ago I started thinking about names. Names for a girl and names for a boy. WHY? I just said don't ask me why. The answer is I don't know. Why out of the blue and months and months of dissappointment would I even THINK about starting down that road again. It leads to nothing but heartbreak.

Maybe it was because I was so tired I felt sick... and that started the subconcious wheels of 'I might be pregnant' going. I don't know. But they say insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result. I must be insane!


Then today - the nausea started. Maybe it's just tiredness, maybe it's my body rebelling from the munchies on the weekend. I dunno. But there it is.

It's possible I suppose, but I'm feeling panicky as the little flickering flame of hope starts to rise. If I don't hope then I'm not disappointed.

I don't know what to think (other than I'm going nuts).

In other news. I deliberately weighed myself in public. For real. I really did it. even took my t-shirt off and got photographed in my sports bra and stretchy oh-so-NOT-flattering exercise pants. Oh yeah. I did it. *laugh* My 'Iowa Gym' is holding another challenge. I tied for 3rd place last year. Felt like a fraud weighing in this year as I'm up a total of 22.5 lbs from my lowest weight last year. But this is what challenges are for... to get your sorry ass in motion. So mines moving.

WATCH OUT! 233.5 lbs of cellulite coming through!!!!!!