Soooo... I'm not pregnant.

Big surprise.

I've had a tough time with it this month. Probably because I let my hopes get up, not a lot, but a little. The week of nausea and my IBS going nutso and my period being late - kinda gave me a little hope.

I want to believe this will happen for me, but I feel like my heart is hardening. It would almost be easier to just accept this will never happen and be pleasantly suprised if it does... than to spend a few weeks every month waiting to see if 'this month is it'.

I can't even really talk about it too much right now. I know I probably should as every time I think about this right now tears well up in my eyes. But I can't. Not right now.