We are who we are because of what we've been through

I was leaving a comment over in another blog when I realized I was spouting off in huge copious amounts in her comment section... rather than pollute up her blog with my (seemingly) neverending thoughts... I made it into a blog entry...

1002go was talking about her feelings and how she was glad she had been overweight growing up - this thought resonated with me as I've often looked back on my life and wondered how different I would be as a person if I hadn't experienced the pain and hurt that comes from being large and jiggly in a world that covets stick thin limbs and/or six pack abs and striated delts ;)

... Here's what I was going to say:

You are who you are as a person BECAUSE Of all the things you experience in life. Yeah - being teased and self consious is painful but that pain does make you grow, you learn to become a better person and become stronger because of it.

You also touched on a major point too - fat is an insulator. When people don't like us - or say something mean, we can blame it on the fat. And subconsiously we can say to ourselves "oh they just don't like me because I'm fat - and therefore I don't have to feel bad that they don't like me because they're a bad person for being so shallow". That 'insulator' protects us in some ways and it can be a major issue for some folks - giving up the security blanket of fat is extremely frightening. When we can no longer blame our failures and shortcommings on our fat - we have to accept that there is some other part of us that might not be spotless... and that's truly frightening!! Enough so that a lot of people will continually self sabatoge their weightloss efforts because they're afraid of what will happen when their skinny - what will they blame things on?

Some people think that life will magically be 'okay' if they can just lose the weight... the truth is being 'thin' or 'skinny' doesn't solve all the problems in our lives... we still have dissappointment (like not getting the job we wanted, or the guy we wanted)... and shopping for clothes can still be a painful experience... there will always be someone thinner, prettier, richer, better dressed, nicer, more liked than us... The key is to realize that fat or thin - we can find happiness inside of ourselves.

I was the fat girl while my sister was the model beautiful one. This stereotype has followed both of us for most of our lives. There has been only ONE time in our lives where I was thinner than she was, and I'm sorry to say that YES there was a shallow part of me that felt good that for ONCE my sister was the chubby uncomfortable one, but it was quickly replaced by sadness and regret because I recognized the sadness and pain in her eyes when she looked at me... it was the same pain and sadness I had faced every day. In that moment I realized I never wanted to wish that feeling on her again. Yes being the 'chubby' one in the family has been tough... but it's made me who I am...

Would I be the same person if I hadn't of gone through the trials and tribulations of being overweight in a society that currently favors stick thin as 'beauty'? Nope probably not - and that's fine with me!