Scary dream last night

I had a whopper of a dream last night...

I'd been feeling uncomfortable for days but because 'uncomfy' is pretty much a synonym with pregnancy - I didn't think much of it. I started to feel really 'off' though and wondered if something might be up. I felt a lot of pressure to go to the bathroom but no pain and from what I could tell - no contractions. I ask Tim to get me a mirror so I can check.

I'm CROWNING. I can see the babies head coming out. I reach down to catch him myself he's coming so fast! I catch him, just barely - he's so slippery! He's got hair and in the dream I can see his face (wow!) I"m frantically going through all the things I'll need to do, scared shitless of doing something wrong because we're not at the hospy. I calm myself down and tell myself that women have been birthing babies for centuries and that I can do this, just use common sense. I direct Tim to boil/disinfect something to cut the cord with. The baby is making noise but I wonder if I should check his airway and mouth, make sure it's clear, same with his cute little nose. When I look down to do this I see he's already latched on to my breast! I have to unlatch him to check and then try to get him latched again.... As I'm doing this it dawns on me that I still feel so full, like there is more baby in there. I look down and see ANOTHER HEAD. I'm yelling at Tim to come back and help catch the baby. He's just seconds too late, but it's okay because somehow I"ve gotten to a bed and the babie's head just lands on the bed. I do manage to grab a hold of the babies body and pull her up. (In the dream I know it's a baby girl). I'm still juggling Zach and now this new baby. (I think I even call him Zach in the dream?). I hand him to Tim and concentrate on this little girl. She's smaller than Zach, preemie sized. She was trying to latch on but then I see that her face is blue. I go from feeling confident that I can handle this to freaking out again that we're not at the hospital. I yell at Tim to call 911. Then I'm just screaming "Call 911".

I try to clear her airway. It's no use. I try massaging her little chest, frantically trying to remember my CPR classes. I realize at some point that I have not yet delivered the plancenta for either baby. They're still attached to me. I push/bear down to deliver the placentas - these too come easily with no pain. I turn back to the little girl. She's gone from looking like a normal baby (just small and blue) to her whole head being disformed. I realize she could never have survived there was something wrong from the get go. I wrap her in a blanket so I can't see her disformed face. I'm crying, weeping. Grieving for for this little girl child that I had so briefly and lost. Someone takes the bundle of her broken little body from me. My heart is still grieving and now I'm worried about something happening to Zach. I take him back from Tim. I can hear the ambulances arriving, but it's too late to save my little girl.

Then I get angry. How did this happen? I had so many ultrasounds - how could they have possibly missed this baby? If only I had known maybe I would have been able to save her? Then I start to wonder if I'd been hallucinating. Did I really have two babies? I look around. At some point the cords were cut. I see two placentas sitting on the floor side by side. They were the same in size, both were healthy looking (or what my mind has determined is healthy looking). I know then that I did have 2 babies, it wasn't a dream or a hallucination. I also see the bundle of her body too and remember that I couldn't possibly have saved her. The paramedics arrive, and I know somehow that Zach is okay. I feel some peace about the situation... I wake up.


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My own interpretation....

Obviously some subconsious fear on my end going on that I won't know when I'm going into labor... some reassurance as well though that I'll be okay, when the time comes I'll just know what to do and my instincts will carry me through.

I'm not sure how to view the 'twin'. Early on in this pregnancy I could have SWORN that I ovulated twice and had two implantations. I also had a scare of bleeding and had my first ultrasound shortly after that. Only one heartbeat and one 'Bean' was found at that point.

Whether I actually did have 'twins' or not, I think this dream is just my subconsious sorting out any unresolved feelings.

It's a bit freaky for me because I've had a few prophetic dreams in my past, but I didn't wake up from this one thinking "Whoa... this is going to happen". I"ve always woken up from my 'prophetic' dreams with the feeling or just KNOWING that it wasn't JUST a dream. I didn't have that overwhelming feeling with this dream so I think this was just my brain doing the normal dream 'sort out stuff' kind of thing.